


are you really not anybody until somebody knows your name?

by quibbler



Series: band au [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-25 22:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9850520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quibbler/pseuds/quibbler
Summary: When everyone that Jemma Simmons loves leaves, she has to find a way back to herself. When it feels as though she might break, she finds friends in some unlikely people and follows a path that might just light its way to her future.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This follows part 1 of band au ([goodbye to you, goodbye to everything i thought i knew](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8491282)). Title is from Don't Let Me Bring You Down by Laura Marling.

The first day at Interlochen is rife with emotion, but Jemma doesn't pay them any attention. Instead, she goes through the motions, smiling though it doesn't reach her eyes and speaking when spoken to. She really does want to be here because music is what she loves more than almost anything in the world, but she can't push her feelings aside yet.

Fitz is gone, back to Scotland and even though they occasionally write letters to each other, it's hard to keep it up. Neither one can write as much as they want to, and over the last year and a half, it's been difficult to gather enough details about their lives that seem important enough to put on paper. Bobbi and Lance are both at university, so they're both too busy to pay much attention to her, so here she is at a music preparatory school by herself.

Her roommate is a year older than her with long, dark hair that is stick-straight and Jemma means to talk to her, really, but she mostly sits in silence as she looks over some of the theory books she purchased. It isn't until the other girl clears her throat that Jemma looks up, startled.

"Jemma, right?" The girl smiles, holding out her hand. "I'm Kara. I meant to introduce myself earlier, but we were both getting settled."

Jemma stares with wide eyes for a few moments before taking Kara's hand in hers. "Nice to meet you."

\-----

What Jemma doesn't expect is the heart-to-hearts that she and Kara have once the school year begins. She learns that Kara is also the younger of two kids and that she was really quiet until she tested into orchestra in the 3rd grade. The teacher said most kids don't pick viola, so she did. There's a glint in Kara's eyes that makes Jemma realise that she certainly picked up on the typical violist's sense of humour, though she seems a lot more quiet about it, which only makes Kara sneakier.

Jemma tells Kara all about her childhood, about how her best friend was born three weeks before her even though he was supposed to be born a week after her, how she had a pseudo older sister whose name was Jemma's first word, how she met her big brother when she was six. When Kara is listening, Jemma doesn't feel quite as sad, but her emotions still bite at her. When she falls silent, Kara starts talking more about her own life.

One day, Kara hands Jemma a cup of tea and sits down on the floor across from her. "You don't have any pictures on your wall," she says, and the corner of Jemma's mouth turns up at her friend's strange way of initiating a conversation.

She holds the mug to her mouth, not willing to drink it just yet, content to breathe in the warmth of the steam rising in tendrils. "I brought pictures, but I didn't want to put them up because I don't want to feel sad looking at them."

Kara nods, and there are a few moments of not wholly uncomfortable silence between them before she sets her mug down on the floor at a safe distance, holding a hand out. "Can I see your pictures?" She pauses, her brows knitting together. "Only if you want to share, obviously."

Jemma stares at her outstretched hand, blinkly slowly before she turns to the drawers beneath her bed, digging for the folder where she stuffed all of her old memories so she wouldn't have to see them again. She finds it and blows off the nonexistent dust before handing it over.

Her roommate opens it carefully, delicately, and Jemma watches as she takes out her favourite photo: they were all at the beach, though blissfully the sun wasn't roasting them alive. Bobbi is glaring at Lance, who looks completely oblivious to his impending death as he holds up a dead jellyfish toward her, while Fitz is making a disgusted face. Meanwhile, Jemma looks like she might cry. "The other girl is Bobbi. Her name was my first word. The one holding a jellyfish like an idiot is my brother Lance." She swallow hard before continuing. "And that's Fitz. My best friend."

When she cries, Kara doesn't say a word, just offers a shoulder to cry on.

\-----

There is a talent show at the conservatory where students are encouraged to do something musical that wasn't their instrument of choice. Despite her generally withdrawn behaviour for the year, Jemma decides that she wants to participate., so she picks up the guitar that was a gift from her parents before she arrived at the conservatory, trying to come up with an idea.

"Kara, do you want to enter the talent show with me?" she asks one day, as Kara is studying her latest viola piece carefully. Kara looks up and grins.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Jemma learns that Kara can sing quite well, so Jemma sings back up and though they don't win, they walk off the stage laughing.

\-----

It's only a matter of time before Kara is applying to universities and college conservatories and Jemma feels that intense panic that she now associates with abandonment. She tries to stay out of Kara's way so she can get her own life sorted, knowing that applying to universities and attending auditions is stressful enough without a clingy friend, but one day, Kara sets down a mug of tea on her desk with enough force that Jemma nearly jumps out of her seat.

"Okay, Jemma, spit it out. You've been acting weird for weeks and it's starting to bother me."

Jemma starts, unsure of what to say, how to put her feelings into words. She has known Kara for going on two years now but she doesn't want to scare her friend away with her own issues. "No, it's nothing!" She tries to smile but it must come out like a grimace because Kara raises an eyebrow at her in disbelief. "I know you're just really busy and people leaving is part of life but I just... I just don't want to see more people go."

Kara stares at her and Jemma turns away, looking at everything that isn't her friend's prying gaze. There is the sound of a chair being dragged across the floor and Jemma turns her head to see Kara's face a foot away from hers, angry but determined. "Look, I can't promise you I'm not leaving because I have to. But no one can promise that they won't leave. This is the real world, Jemma Simmons, shit happens. Sometimes people leave because they have to, but it doesn't mean they love you any less. And I sure as hell am going to try to stay in your life because I think you're worth it and because you're my friend and I love you. Sorry, you're not pushing me away no matter how hard you try, so deal with it."

Jemma sits in a stunned silence as Kara backs away and returns to her desk, tapping away at her laptop.

Twenty minutes later, Jemma brings her a refill of tea as an apology, which Kara gladly accepts.

\-----

Tisch is worlds away from Interlochen and Jemma finds herself feeling rather lost. It isn't that she followed Kara here intentionally, but NYU seemed like it had the most to offer her and so she finds herself sitting in the freshman orientation for the school of music, feeling out of place and incredibly overwhelmed.

"This feels like we're all lambs being lined up for slaughter," a voice says, and Jemma looks up just in time to see a girl drop down in to the empty seat next to her, long dark hair bound in a sloppy braid. She rolls her eyes but gives Jemma a smile, so she tentatively returns it. "I'm Daisy." She makes a face as she drops her bag into her lap. "Music ed."

"Jemma, composition and piano performance."

Daisy raises an eyebrow. "Damn, double majoring already? Good for you."

And just like that, Jemma thinks she's made her first friend at university.

As they leave the auditorium, Jemma is about to speak when she hears a shout. "SIMMONS!"

She whirls around on one foot, looking for the familiar face. "KARA?" She laughs as she spies her friend barrelling through the crowd at her. They both nearly fall on the floor and Jemma grins as she pulls back to introduce her new friend to her old one. "Kara, this is Daisy. Daisy, Kara. I've known Kara since Interlochen."

Kara waves. "It's about time you joined me here, Jemma." She grins before frowning, turning her head in the direction from which she came. "I lost my shadow."

Jemma furrows her brows in confusion and sees that Daisy is doing the same when they're joined by a tall, blonde boy who looks their age but is probably not. "Hey, I'm Lincoln!"

Kara rolls her eyes so violently that Jemma suppresses a chuckle. "Jemma, Daisy, this is my shadow. Lincoln, this is my friend Jemma from Interlochen, and this is Daisy." Lincoln grins and before Jemma can say anything, he catches the eye of someone he knows and strays from them. "Sorry about him. He's like a hyperactive puppy."

Daisy raises an eyebrow while Jemma just looks at his back. "He is way too tall for his own good."

Kara bites back a retort because she sees Lincoln approaching them again in three long strides. "Let's take a picture!"

They do.

\-----

Jemma watches as Kara flicks a piece of popcorn in Lincoln's direction, hitting him squarely in the center of his forehead. She tries not to laugh when he pouts. Their flat is fairly clean, though Jemma knows from experience that Kara is a tidy person and therefore a good roommate. Lincoln is surprisingly well-kept, too, though his small messes proliferate from his room to the front room. Surprisingly, they seem to get along well enough to be flatmates, though Jemma isn't entirely sure how--Kara and Lincoln seem like complete opposites and Kara spends more time rolling her eyes at him than being nice to him.

"So you're telling me that your first words to Lincoln aside from introducing yourself were 'I will bite you'?"

Kara sighs as though she is suffering. "He called me his pet or something. What was I supposed to say?"

Lincoln shrugs, reaching over two armrests and a coffee table with his abnormally long limbs to take the bowl from her. "To be fair, that's what made me decide we would be friends."

"You're both so weird. " Daisy says, shaking her head. She is lying down on the part of the couch Lincoln isn't occupying, her feet flat against the cushion as she laughs at the spectacle in front of her. Jemma makes a noise of agreement.

They discover that Lincoln is two years older than Kara, who is a year older than either Jemma or Daisy. He seems to know everyone in the school of music, despite only having a music minor, and Jemma wouldn't be surprised to find out that he knows the entirety of the NYU population. He majors in anthropology and has a double minor in photography and music, and she is mildly surprised to learn that Kara is studying music history.

"I thought you'd be a music ed major! Or even viola performance. You were always the best violist at Interlochen."

Kara shrugs but doesn't give an explanation, so Jemma drops it. "Lincoln, do you know everyone in the department? Because it certainly seems like you do."

Lincoln grins at her over his beer. "Think of it as networking."

"Bullshit," Daisy calls, twisting so she can grab a handful of popcorn. "I think you just like meeting people."

"Caught red-handed," Kara crows. "That, and his big head wants everyone to know who he is."

She's the one that gets popcorn thrown at her this time.

\-----

One day at lunch, Jemma nearly jumps out of her skin when Daisy all but collapses into the seat across from her, her tray hitting the table with a loud thump. "Let's form a quartet."

Jemma tries to keep her heart from racing out of her ribcage as she looks at her friend in confusion. "What?"

Daisy beams. "Well, you said Kara plays viola and Lincoln minors in violin performance. I play cello, and I've seen you carrying a violin case toward the practice rooms."

A slow smile spreads across Jemma's face. "If you can convince Kara and Lincoln, I'm in."

\-----

Jemma reserves the largest practice room for them, and is predictably the first one there, nearly half an hour early. She arranges the four chairs in a semi-circle before visiting each open practice room, swapping out two wobbly stands for the better ones before she grabs one more to set up in a corner. It would be presumptuous of her to sit in either of the violinist seats until she and Lincoln can decide who is 1st and who is 2nd, so she bends down to unpack her violin. Making quick work of tightening the bow and applying rosin, she reaches for her shoulder rest, adjusts it before sliding it on the back of her violin.

She always starts with scales. Jemma places her scales sheet on the stand in front of her, more out of habit than necessity, and she plays through all of them twice before moving on to warm-ups.

By the time she has started her Vivaldi, Kara arrives, knocking gently on the glass to get Jemma's attention. "Something tells me you'll be 1st violin over Lincoln," she says as she enters the room, grinning. "He's not bad, obviously, but he's way more laid back than you and doesn't like the pressure."

Lincoln is the second to arrive, only a minute or two before their scheduled time. "I don't even want to compete so I'm taking 2nd violin," he announces in lieu of a greeting, and Kara rolls her eyes before giving Jemma a look that plainly says see?

Daisy arrives a minute late. "Sorry, sorry! Maneuvering from my dorm to the building is hard enough normally but add in my cello and all hell breaks loose."

"It's okay," Jemma replies, waving off her friend's apology. "Once you're settled, let's start."

\-----

Daisy's suggestion turns out to be an extraordinary one. Though their initial play-through is rough, it takes a matter of minutes before they each settle into their roles, getting through Tchaikovsky Opus 11 with barely a hitch.

It isn't until the end of the first semester that Jemma has a new idea.

"Do any of you play other instruments?" she asks, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. She takes a sip from her water bottle. "I mean, I obviously play the piano since I'm studying it, and I'm not a bad singer. Kara has an amazing voice, too."

Daisy shrugs. "I can play the bass. The upright, but I suppose learning bass guitar would be pretty simple after that."

"Guitar, a little piano, saxophone. Oh, and the theremin, but that's more for shits and giggles than anything else." Lincoln has his legs stretched out toward the center of the semi-circle and Jemma kicks at him when he gets too close. He kicks back.

Jemma can see Kara counting in her head. She knows that her former roommate was a percussionist once, and percussionists always play at least five instruments. "Drums of basically any sort--timpani, marimba, snare, bongos... Cymbals, xylophone, glockenspiel... I'm a percussionist," she explains, as Daisy and Lincoln are staring at her in disbelief.

This works out perfectly with her plan, so Jemma is beaming and Kara is giving her a questioning look. "What if we started a band?"

A pause, then Lincoln leans in. "I'm in."

Kara says nothing, but she is grinning, and Daisy nods. Jemma feels elation swelling in her chest.

Maybe happiness isn't so far off, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about how long it's taken me to post this! I haven't been motivated to write or bother posting my work, so hopefully that changes in the very near future. Apologies for putting this in the Fitzsimmons tag--they are heavily implied in this, but Fitz doesn't actually make an appearance. He will in future parts, I promise.
> 
> Per usual, thank you to Laura for being the best beta ever and yelling at me to post this constantly when I asked her to.


End file.
